Eric (datan0de) wrote,
Eric
datan0de

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An Open Letter to the Emmanuel Achievement Center

Dear Sir or Madam,
I'm writing to you to bring to your attention a matter of some concern to me. I'm not writing about the quality of your programs for small children, the training of your staff, or any of the other issues typically associated with day care services.

I'm writing about your roof.

You see, I drive by your facility once or twice a day, 5 days a week. I've done so for several years now, and I must admit that it never attracted more than the most casual notice from me. I don't have any children, and have a ready supply of other food sources, so day care generally slips under my radar. As I've recently learned, this was a shortcoming not of your noteworthiness, but of my perspective.

You see, your roof is the most obnoxious, flamboyantly over-the-top architectural fashion crime in Tampa. I can see your roof from space.

Let me say that again, so that you realize that I'm neither exaggerating nor using hyperbole here. I can see your roof from space!!!

I CAN SEE YOUR ROOF FROM MOTHERFUCKING SPACE!

I've driven by your place probably three thousand times and couldn't remember the name. After playing with Google Earth I realized that your roof, which seemed relatively innocuous from the street, is a sinister blazing blue beacon from orbit! I didn't even know who's roof it was when I first saw it- I had to look for it the next time I drove down that street. What are you trying to draw attention to? Who are you trying to attract? What diabolical plan lies beneath the facade of child care, and for the love of God, what are you really doing to them?

I don't think for a second that it's a coincidence that such an obvious signal is so close to both my home and my work. I'm on to you people.
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