Eric (datan0de) wrote,

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An Immodest Proposal

Call in the Vogon constructor fleet, 'cuz I've just figured out the solution to all of our socioeconomic woes. And just as Douglas Adams predicted, nobody needs to get nailed to anything. I do need some help hammering out the details though, which is why I'm coming to all of you.

The epiphany came when phyrra made a post about the current tax structure, and inequities thereof. It's an argument that's come up before- "the rich are getting absurd tax breaks" vs "well, they were paying more to begin with" yadda yadda yadda. I can see both sides, and have decided that the problem isn't the tax structure. It's more fundamental than that. The problem is with our entire currency system, both on paper and in the way we think about it.

I have a solution. I call it
Yes, I'm proposing replacing our varied units of currency world-wide with pornography.

But Datan0de, you dumbass, what would that do to the economy???
Well, aside from making me fabulously wealthy overnight, it would make the economy less uptight and structured, and a hell of a lot more fun. What I propose is a simple shift of the basis of our economic value system from pieces of paper to something with actual value, like pieces of paper with pictures of Angelina Jolie naked.

But Datan0de, you ignorant turd, currency based on intrinsic value went out with the gold standard!
I'd argue that it went out long before then. Gold is kinda pretty, and useful in semiconductors, but I'd argue that it has little actual intrinsic value. It doesn't taste particularly good, it's not fun to play with, and it doesn't make me horny. Where's the value there?

Besides, people are too wrapped up in interest rates, capital gains taxes, stock dividends, and other things that any person with a soul would find as interesting as counting grains of sand at the beach. With porn, you get all the trade utility of money with the added benefit of something that's actually worth having!

What, like the barter system?
The old barter system only works in small geographic areas. Most barter items are too cumbersome to trade on a global scale. Porn would be the barter system for the 21st century. It readily lends itself to electronic transfer, or could be done through hard copy. [*snicker*]

Doofus! Wouldn't the easy replication of porn devalue it?
Yes, but in this case that's not necessarily a bad thing. For example, Paris Hilton's camera phone pix would be a hot item at first, but once they got around and people realized that they're rather tame the market would adjust accordingly. This prevents someone from effectively trading the same porn over and over ad infinitum.

But Datan0de, you pompous dork, how would Bill Gates remain the richest man in the world when people like Misty Mundae and Jenna Jameson can just keep cranking out your new "money"?
He wouldn't. However, he still owns a large interest in a major corporation, so his wealth isn't going to completely evaporate overnight. It'll just naturally tend to shift to Misty Mundae, where it more rightly belongs.

But Datan0de, you mindless twit, our banking institutions can't switch from dollars to nudie pix!
That's fine. They'll simply be replaced by the porn infrastructure that's already in place. Go ahead and replace the US Mint with Vivd video! I don't know about you, but personally I trust The Hun a whole lot more than I trust Alan Greenspan, and has done a lot more for me than my local bank branch, so this can only be a good thing.

But Datan0de, you drooling moron, how would you handle exchange rates between countries?
That's the beauty of it. It's self-regulating. You see, not everyone likes the same porn. Standardizing on a less rigid (no pun intended) system would result in exchange rates following more natural lines than arbitrary geographic boundaries. It'd be localized by social groups, and even by individual. For example, I love amateur porn, and in particular porn involving people I know personally. So to me, getting to see my friends' naughty bits is worth more than some random starlet on the `Net. In India there's probably a preference for Indian porn. In the gay community there's a preference for gay porn. Etc., etc., etc.... So each group, aligned by interest rather than location, has more to offer it's own members. It's almost a tariff of sorts, only a fair one. This also has the beneficial side effect of turning even the most trivial of financial transactions into an opportunity to learn more about each other and broaden our personal horizons.

But Datan0de, you ignorant fucktard, not everyone likes porn!
This is well beyond my ability to comprehend, but that's okay. A 4 GB Chasey Lain video might not do it for you, but I'll bet someone you shop from would. As long as it's of value to someone you shop from then it's worth having.

This would also avoid a lot of needless domestic strife. "No, honey! The 40 gigs of lesbian sex aren't for me- they're the mortgage payment!" It's brilliant! And for people like me, whose primary time wasters are the earning of a paycheck and the accumulation of porn, it simplifies our lives by merging these two goals together.

But Datan0de, you close-minded buffoon, porn is sinful in many religions!
True, but those same religions tend to teach that money is the root of all evil, too. Now they can put their money where their mouth is (so to speak).

But Datan0de, you lascivious porn-monger, wouldn't people eventually get bored with it?
Sure, some people would, but how does that differ from inflation? It'd raise the bar on our porn, resulting in continuous improvement of the product. How can that be bad?

But Datan0de, you short-sighted ignoramus, under your system people would be encouraged to make and trade porn all the time! We'd be inundated with it!
Exactly! Ain't it great?

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