June 20th, 2006


God Complex

There's a little side note that goes along with my recent nattering regarding divinity.

No, that's not right. Actually, it's not related at all.

See, I've become a god of sorts. Really! Oh yes, I am mighty indeed! The Creator! The Provider! The Unfathomable! I am the be-all and end-all to My puny supplicants!

By "supplicants", I am of course referring to the colony of sea monkeys in the little plastic tank on my windowsill at work.

I started the colony around New Year, and since then have acted on behalf of my little aquatic charges. I do not love them per se- they are too simple to warrant such attachments, but I like them, and they do amuse me. Thus, I am a benevolent deity, and take an active hands-on role in their survival and prosperity. I provide a safe environment, appropriate lighting, and food, and also oxygenate the water from time to time. I also clean things out as best I can, using the Holy Eye-Dropper to suck up debris and ascend the dead to the Afterlife (or, in this case, the trash can). From time to time they'll get trapped behind some of the decorations in their tank, and then the Most High Post-It Note comes in and floss them out.

Sometimes my benevolence must take a more distasteful turn. A sea monkey can get stuck in the "antennae" of another, and this seems to be a permanent condition. Oddly, it doesn't seem to bother them all that much, and they are able to live more or less normal sea monkey lives as siamese twins... until one of them dies. Then, if the survivor can't get unstuck it falls to me to "reduce the drag" from his companion by severing as much of the corpse as I can. Gruesome, but nobody ever said being a god was always a walk in the park!

In return I've asked very little of my little supplicants. I demand no worship, as it would give me no benefit and the very idea of divinity is far beyond their grasp. (Of course, if they *did* know that I existed and somehow tried to rail against me I'd laugh at their impotence. Then I'd put a splash of bleach into the tank and show them My wrath!) No, I ask only that they live their lives in whatever manner sea monkeys consider beneficial, and swim and frolic as they please. They're completely non-aggressive, so I've never had to concern myself with war or bickering.

Sadly, as is the case with most religions' views of the world, it is fleeting and temporary. My colony was born, grew, flourished, and is now waning. They have persisted for almost six months, but recently their numbers slowly dwindled and now only one remains. I call him "Methuselah". He's large and hearty (for a subspecies of brine shrimp), so who knows how long he'll continue to soldier on?

No matter to me. I will continue to care for him as best I can for as long as he endures. When he finally meets his end (and the trash can) I'll bid my supplicants a final farewell, rinse out the tank, and start anew with these "tri-ops" creatures I picked up at MOSI.
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