May 4th, 2004

Dancing Gir

Calm before the storm

Something's coming- just a feeling.

I'm finding it difficult to peg down my mood recently, 'cause there's so much going on that's both good and bad.

Relationship-wise, things are going wonderfully, yet I can't quite squelch my basic insecurities. The anxiety that results isn't always entirely bad, but it does put a bit of a damper on my enjoyment of what will, I'm sure, be remembered as a nearly utopian period in my life.

[Side note: Why is it that I seem to only be able to fully enjoy an experience after it's over and I've had a chance to process it? Example: When I come back from DragonCon (and half the time I'm there) I mostly feel just tired. It isn't until after I've looked at the pics and discussed the weekend that I fully comprehend what a spectacular time it was. Just something I've noticed.]

I had a brief physical on Saturday, and I've never been so happy to have blood extracted from my body! The physical was a prerequisite to getting a life insurance policy. The life insurance is part of the process of getting an AlcorE membership. The Alcor membership is my best hope for a radically extended lifespan. Immortality (more or less) is my current mission in life, so this is an important step.

However, I'm almost certain to lose my job within the next year, which (worst case scenario) could have catastrophic effects on my ability to finance the affordable-but-not-cheap cryonic suspension.

Chris, Nan, and Mel want to leave Tampa. So do Franklin, Kelly, and Shelly. SUCKTASTIC!!!

femetal has fertility concerns. redheadlass is questioning her faith. I share both of their concerns. Both are pretty big issues that I've mostly chosen not to worry about too much, with less and less success. Will Kim leave me if it turns out that I'm sterile? What if I turn out to be an atheist? [English spelling note: "'i' before 'e' except after 'c'." Where the fuck does "atheist"" fit in there? And while we're at it, where's my damn plural "you" form?!? I'm from New York state, dammit, and "y'all" just doesn't cut it for me!] Would she be happy spending all of time with a sterile atheist? While I'm on the subject, what are her chances of signing up for suspension?

OK, I'm getting way, way off topic here!

Bunches of little happy things! Kim and I are building a robot (thanks, Ryan!)! Weee!!! We're also going to see David Bowie in concert on Wednesday (thanks again, Ryan!)! Weee!!! Janet has an LJ! Weee!!! My nephew/godson is being christened in a couple of weeks! Weee!!! I pre-ordered Invader Zim on DVD! Weee!!! Kim is sitting here naked as I write this! Uber-weee!!! We just blew $250 at the book store! Weeeohshit!!!

I've now completely lost track of where I was going with this post. Something about having a bad feeling about the future. Eh, whatever.

Can I make a living building various malevolent robots and unleashing them at random upon an unsuspecting populace? There's no way I could morally justify such an act, yet I can't deny that the idea appeals to me on a certain dark level. Rather entropic. Must ponder...
  • Current Music
    The Heart's Filthy Lesson - David Bowie