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The Guidey Chipey Thingey!

Warning- sappy geek rant to follow!

My feeble flesh form is fatally flawed. Whether by poor timing or an uncaring God, I was born sadly lacking many of the basic capabilities that I consider necessary to survive and thrive in the modern world.

Tragically, I came into this world without reliable mass storage capability, audio record and playback mechanisms, or a high speed RISC processor capable of performing millions of operations per second with mathematical perfection. I was born unable to scan for Bluetooth devices or to even perceive 802.11 networks, let alone utilize them.

Alone and naked, I have no means of connecting to the internet, sending and receiving SMS messages, editing and arranging photos, posting to LiveJournal, or viewing pornography. My ability to play music is limited to beating on things with a stick, and I can't even create virtual machines with which to play thousands of arcade, Atari 2600, and Commodore 64 games.

Flying overhead is a constellation of satellites whose sole purpose in life is to allow those on the ground to pinpoint their location, but I am sadly denied access to that knowledge.

I cannot read CDs or DVDs. I have no RJ-45, FireWire, USB, or modem ports. In fact, I only have two data transmission ports at all, and one of those is only capable of transmitting haploid versions of my DNA over and over. Fun, but of limited use.

No, the core of my physical capability involves turning food and oxygen into CO2 and poop. Hardly an enviable skill. I have eyes which can only see what's in front of me and ears which function so poorly they should be replaced. Unassisted, my rants go out not to the LJ and Slashdot communities, but instead only to those within the sound of my (low bandwidth) voice. My thoughts are chaotic, and my memory seems uniquely suited to forgetting large quantities of information quickly and easily. Truly then, on my own I am a cripple- little more than a well-mannered, out of shape neanderthal with a few esoteric skills.

Thankfully I am almost never on my own. Someday technology will allow me to incorporate the missing functions into myself, but until then my little metal symbiont fills in the gaps, allowing me to take full advantage of the world around me. In return I take care of him, give him purpose, and upgrade his capabilities whenever possible.

As of last night he has a new capability. I found a great deal on a Belkin Bluetooth GPS unit, and it arrived yesterday. Setting it up turned out to be a good deal less intuitive than I'd expected (Note to Mac users: Belkin's products are good overall, but their Macintosh support is nonexistent!), but after figuring out that it needs to be set up using the Bluetooth Serial Utility (located in /Applications/Utilities) in addition to being paired it was off and running.

Now I just need to find some decent GPS mapping software that's OS X native. My end objective is to be able to verbally ask Gir where we are and have him verbally respond. I love living in a world where that's possible!

Comments

( 3 comments — Leave a comment )
slartibart
Oct. 6th, 2004 10:03 am (UTC)
When you get it all worked out, let me know. I may want to set up Badger for the same thing. I love having an R&D department. ;-)
lynne_laughs
Oct. 6th, 2004 11:10 am (UTC)
This post (and others like it) are why I love reading your journal! You seem to have a wonderful mix of logic, emotion and humor.
datan0de
Oct. 6th, 2004 12:06 pm (UTC)
::BLUSH!:: Thanks!
( 3 comments — Leave a comment )

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