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Things I do not do

Rant
There are things I do not do. I do not lie. I do not mislead. I do not threaten. I do not gaslight. I do not block people from communicating with me, even if I choose not to communicate with them.

I do not hide my feelings, my experiences, or my pain. Not anymore.

I try not to make accusations, but I acknowledge that sometimes I do. Sometimes it's warranted. But I share my experiences openly, for everyone to see, rather than hiding them behind filters for fear of being called to task for them. Silence and censorship are the tools of the abuser. If I've said something about you in private, you can be assured that I'd say it to your face.

I do save everything. Every email, every chat log, every SMS, every DM. When I speak, I make sure that what I say is consistent with the record. That's not for the purpose of "setting traps." It's to keep me from rewriting history in my head. I don't trust my memory. I don't trust yours, either. I can back up what I say. While I don't claim to be the final authority on it, I believe in and strive to know objective reality, even while I also believe in subjective interpretation. I don't think that this is contradictory.

Comments

( 5 comments — Leave a comment )
terriaminute
Dec. 10th, 2013 01:29 pm (UTC)
Good.

The flip-side of this is, most other people do not try to catalog facts like this, do sometimes (often) rewrite history, and resent like hell being presented with what really happened, often in their own words.

It's not wrong of you, but it can be anywhere from off-putting to directly antagonistic to the person who has altered a memory. It feels like an attack. People react badly to that, regardless of right or wrong. I suspect this is the crux of the genesis of this post.

Sigh.
corpsefairy
Dec. 10th, 2013 06:07 pm (UTC)
Blocking somebody is not the same thing as censorship, nor is it abuse.
datan0de
Dec. 10th, 2013 07:07 pm (UTC)
I agree completely. That wasn't the point I was making. Perhaps I should have added a paragraph break.

To clarify just a bit, this post is not about any single incident or one specific person.

Edited at 2013-12-10 07:18 pm (UTC)
james_the_evil1
Dec. 14th, 2013 04:01 pm (UTC)
In my experience people who misuse "gaslighting" (which is a real thing) to attack those who're accurately representing reality, they're the ones who're actually doing the gaslighting. I too have been accused of "setting traps" and the like because of saving communications and things (and in the case of my marriage actually surreptitiously recording conversations at one point to protect myself from false accusations of abuse), and in those incidents the other person has been demonstrably either actually delusional or trying to make me think I am. Without the record, I might begin to doubt reality and my own sanity, or end up victimized in other ways.
You're not doing anything contradictory.
datan0de
Dec. 16th, 2013 12:51 am (UTC)
Thank you. That's similar to my experience as well.
( 5 comments — Leave a comment )