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Calm before the storm

Something's coming- just a feeling.

I'm finding it difficult to peg down my mood recently, 'cause there's so much going on that's both good and bad.

Relationship-wise, things are going wonderfully, yet I can't quite squelch my basic insecurities. The anxiety that results isn't always entirely bad, but it does put a bit of a damper on my enjoyment of what will, I'm sure, be remembered as a nearly utopian period in my life.

[Side note: Why is it that I seem to only be able to fully enjoy an experience after it's over and I've had a chance to process it? Example: When I come back from DragonCon (and half the time I'm there) I mostly feel just tired. It isn't until after I've looked at the pics and discussed the weekend that I fully comprehend what a spectacular time it was. Just something I've noticed.]

I had a brief physical on Saturday, and I've never been so happy to have blood extracted from my body! The physical was a prerequisite to getting a life insurance policy. The life insurance is part of the process of getting an AlcorE membership. The Alcor membership is my best hope for a radically extended lifespan. Immortality (more or less) is my current mission in life, so this is an important step.

However, I'm almost certain to lose my job within the next year, which (worst case scenario) could have catastrophic effects on my ability to finance the affordable-but-not-cheap cryonic suspension.

Chris, Nan, and Mel want to leave Tampa. So do Franklin, Kelly, and Shelly. SUCKTASTIC!!!

femetal has fertility concerns. redheadlass is questioning her faith. I share both of their concerns. Both are pretty big issues that I've mostly chosen not to worry about too much, with less and less success. Will Kim leave me if it turns out that I'm sterile? What if I turn out to be an atheist? [English spelling note: "'i' before 'e' except after 'c'." Where the fuck does "atheist"" fit in there? And while we're at it, where's my damn plural "you" form?!? I'm from New York state, dammit, and "y'all" just doesn't cut it for me!] Would she be happy spending all of time with a sterile atheist? While I'm on the subject, what are her chances of signing up for suspension?

OK, I'm getting way, way off topic here!

Bunches of little happy things! Kim and I are building a robot (thanks, Ryan!)! Weee!!! We're also going to see David Bowie in concert on Wednesday (thanks again, Ryan!)! Weee!!! Janet has an LJ! Weee!!! My nephew/godson is being christened in a couple of weeks! Weee!!! I pre-ordered Invader Zim on DVD! Weee!!! Kim is sitting here naked as I write this! Uber-weee!!! We just blew $250 at the book store! Weeeohshit!!!

I've now completely lost track of where I was going with this post. Something about having a bad feeling about the future. Eh, whatever.

Can I make a living building various malevolent robots and unleashing them at random upon an unsuspecting populace? There's no way I could morally justify such an act, yet I can't deny that the idea appeals to me on a certain dark level. Rather entropic. Must ponder...


( 30 comments — Leave a comment )
May. 3rd, 2004 10:39 pm (UTC)
"Can I make a living building various malevolent robots and unleashing them at random upon an unsuspecting populace?"

Yes, you can, my young apprentice. With each step, you travel farther down the Dark Side...

Just sayin'.
May. 4th, 2004 05:20 am (UTC)
Peddle your Awesome elsewhere, you evil person you! I've got a 'bot with your name on it, buddy!

Wait- if you're trying to twist me into using robots to do harm, and I respond by sending a robot to strike you down, then you will have won and my journey toward the Dark Side will be complete! Hey! No fair!
May. 4th, 2004 07:13 am (UTC)
I before E except after C.. and.. um

beige, cleidoic, codeine, conscience, deify, deity, deign,
dreidel, eider, eight, either, feign, feint, feisty,
foreign, forfeit, freight, gleization, gneiss, greige,
greisen, heifer, heigh-ho, height, heinous, heir, heist,
leitmotiv, neigh, neighbor, neither, peignoir, prescient,
rein, science, seiche, seidel, seine, seismic, seize, sheik,
society, sovereign, surfeit, teiid, veil, vein, weight,
weir, weird

oh and atheist

And a few others.

Other than that it's a good rule
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May. 4th, 2004 01:27 pm (UTC)
Re: Your Job
Me too, sweetie. It's really far too early to worry unduly.

I think that saying that I'm "mostly happy" with the smoosh is an understatement. "Deliriously happy" might be more accurate! I'm also looking forward to Friday. This may not be my first poly relationship, but this is my first relationship with YOU, which is a more significant factor. It's also the first time I'll be taking a married woman out on a date, which looks really weird when I read it, but which seems natural in this instance. :-)
May. 4th, 2004 10:28 am (UTC)
a- (not) + theos (god); so it probably came from "the" or "te", so the "-ist" addendum makes sense.

Er, sorry, etymology geek here.  Anyways!  Fuck morals, I say, and let loose the robots of war!
May. 4th, 2004 11:34 am (UTC)
One small addendum to Chris, Nan, and I leaving Tampa is that at least I will be here for a while. Chris has convinced me that finishing school is in my best interest, so at least I'm going to be around until I'm finished which will probably be another year or so.

I understand the feeling of foreboding without anything concrete to pinpoint since it tends to happen to me before major changes in my life. You have plenty of people in your life who will offer support, though. :)

One note on the fertility issues: are you still wearing tighty whities? Having the testes held so close to the body can cook sperm and contribute to low sperm counts. Just something to consider. :)
May. 4th, 2004 01:23 pm (UTC)
Yeah, I'm still wearing briefs most of the time. I've branched out from basic white to an extent, though. ;-) Iin general I don't care for boxers, though cotton ones are tolerable. Besides, once I put pants on it doesn't seem to really make a difference, as there's not too much "wiggle room" either way.

I'm pretty exothermic, so this is something we've considered before. Unfortunately, short of dropping ice down my pants on a regular basis (which sounds like fun, but wouldn't fly at work!) I think that heat is an unavoidable issue.

I'm glad to hear that everyone isn't fleeing Florida all at once! Chris is right- finishing school should be your priority.

You're also right about me having lots of support. I count myself extremely fortunate to have the friends & loved ones I have. My life is so much better for the wonderful lovers, cohorts, freaks, and arch-nemesis that I share it with!
Icy balls & such - siren_sings - May. 4th, 2004 05:53 pm (UTC) - Expand
May. 4th, 2004 11:44 am (UTC)
Would a foot rub help?

rubs and kisses
May. 4th, 2004 01:14 pm (UTC)
Oh my God, I can't be thinking of that right now! I'm at work! ;-)

Yeah, a foot rub will *always* help!
(no subject) - ucertola - May. 5th, 2004 06:54 am (UTC) - Expand
May. 4th, 2004 07:40 pm (UTC)
UUUHHH, What they all said!!!yeah, yeah, thats it!
Hugs, and weapons of mass destruction!
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May. 5th, 2004 07:32 am (UTC)
I love you, mia amo. There isn't sufficient time left in the universe to say that enough.

You have a talent for making everything okay. (Actually, you have a talent for making everything stupendous, but you get the idea!) I look forward to growing old and decrepit (followed by mighty and metal!) with you!

OK, I'll stop before I become too shmoopy (to use Franklin, Shelly, and XTina's word).
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May. 5th, 2004 10:09 am (UTC)
Only 'cause I've got friends like you to pad my journal! :-)

Thanks, bro.
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May. 5th, 2004 12:22 pm (UTC)
With love in your life, you should have no wants or fears.
Your happiness is everything.
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(no subject) - datan0de - May. 5th, 2004 02:28 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - slartibart - May. 5th, 2004 05:52 pm (UTC) - Expand
( 30 comments — Leave a comment )